Accidental Ministry

I used to tell people I was an accidental youth director. It was never part of the big picture plan that I had back when I was into planning my life. Only certain types of people went into ministry and I was not one of those people. I wasn't being called. Nope, not me.

Or was I?

In high school, we took career aptitude tests as juniors. I was so very excited to take mine! Finally some direction. I was an honor student, college bound, ready to take on the world. My test came back with a 98% match to...housewife.

Today, in retrospect, I take that as a compliment. Being home full-time, managing a house and a family is a huge responsibility and a tough gig. At the time, I believe I may have cried.

And yet, being home with my family is very rewarding and, quite frankly, I'm good at it. I have learned about caring, nurturing, budgeting, balancing, stretching and trusting far more at home than I would have somewhere else. Only God could have foreseen that as training ground for the challenges along the way.

I've worked at the front desk of a motel, where I learned about all types of different people, community help organizations, the kindness of strangers and the way to get good deals. I worked at the library where I learned the ins and the outs of the system, how to find just about anything I needed on any subject. What a budget stretcher, for me personally and for the ministry.

I thought I was going to leave youth ministry and stay on at the library, but God had other plans. In this last year it became the library job that was causing the scheduling problems and making our home and family life difficult, not the ministry. God whispered, "Stay," and so I did.

It wasn't an accident. I'm standing here, looking at the vast expanse of ministry before me, and realizing that each step along the way was in part preparing me for what I am supposed to be doing...and being with the youth, being in ministry, is the next step in the ongoing journey.

Youth ministry may not be the destination, but it is the next part of the plan. There's more out there, waiting for me. God has me here, right now, for a reason and it is my responsibility to soak up what I can and move forward as I wait for the next page of the map to unfold.

A Confession

I always feel like there is an elephant in the room when I start to talk about youth ministry. I can organize a lock-in, plan a mission trip, pull off breakfast for 200. Those things, I know.

I do not know that much about the Bible.

Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal, but when you consider that I am a Senior High Youth Director for a church, suddenly it seems to matter.

I know the basics. I can outline the whos and the wheres and produce a general time line. I can rap all the books of the Old and New Testament, in order. It is a great party trick. (Thank you James Ward!) I can recite a handful of verses.

What I can't do is offer comfort or solace or evidence or encouragement through biblical truths and references. I can't listen to a reading and interpret it so as to apply it to my life. If you asked me, I wouldn't have a favorite Bible verse, simply because I don't know enough of them to make a judgment.

This has never bothered me before.

I was raised in the church and I attended Sunday school most weeks September-May. I wasn't a C&E Christian, I was a school year Christian. I remember being so surprised when I was in junior high and I realized that people could go to church year round. That never even occurred to me. After a mediocre confirmation experience and the typical ups and downs of a high school youth group, I dropped away from church in college and stayed away for a variety of reasons until my daughter was born. Gradually my husband and I found ourselves back at church and enjoying the connection we found there. Eventually, through a series of events that will someday be its own post, we joined the staff as the Youth Directors.

What we brought to the position was a passion for high school students, his teaching background and my ability to organize. What we lacked was any clue as to how to actually run a youth program.

We learned fast. We are still learning. Thank God for His grace, generously doled out to us, as we muddled through that first year.

My husband has what I don't: a solid background in biblical study, in part because of his parochial school upbringing and also because of his strong confirmation experience. Between the two of us, his strengths were my weaknesses and vice versa.

But that isn't enough anymore. Maybe no one else has noticed, but I have. And I crave the knowledge that's waiting for me as I start to dig into the Word. I don't want to be one of those "sound bite" youth directors...I want to help the youth and other people in my life find meaning in the Bible.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It is a big job.

Weeds

I'm not a lawn care person. I try very hard to not mow, fertilize, aerate, weed-eat, weed-whack or anything at all that might resemble some sort of lawn maintenance. I certainly don't water the grass. I figure it has grown just fine without my interference and let's just leave it at that. If it lives the whole summer, great. If it kicks off during the July drought, well then, that's a few less months of mowing for my husband.

The point is, I don't worry about the grass.

My neighbors do. They dig out the dandelions, yank up the creeping Charlie, treat, water, fertilize...the whole works. I know they look at our lawn with pity and disgust. Maybe some disdain. After all, we are the reason the creeping Charlie isn't eradicated from the neighborhood.

My lawn is green. It isn't all grass, what with the clover and other weeds mixed in, but the bulk of it is green, just like everyone else's. We have bright yellow dandelions, white clover flowers and purple creeping Charlie flowers. My kids make crowns and necklaces and ropes and bouquets of flowers everyday. They love that we don't kill off the flowers they love.

What we gain by not having a perfect lawn is the beauty that exists in unexpected places. We embrace the imperfections and roll with it. We don't waste time fighting a losing battle with weeds. In learning to live with my imperfections, accepting my imperfect lawn was my first step.

I'm okay with it.

Most blogs start for a reason. I'm sure this one has a reason, I just haven't figured it out yet. Who knows...maybe that IS the reason.

Here's what I know: I'm a wife. A mother. A pet owner. A senior high youth director. A sometimes librarian. An accidental paraprofessional.

This is me, trying to make sense of it all.